Since I was in middle school, I had big breasts. It was something that seemed to happen overnight, and since then something I’ve had to deal with. Throughout middle school and highschool, I “looked” older due to my breasts, and gained a lot of unwanted attention, mostly from older men. In school, I didn’t get that type of attention, but I did have comments made whenever my “boobs were hanging out” or when clothes seemed to be too tight across my chest. In general, I did not like school so I mostly blacked out the entire experience. I do remember always feeling self-conscious about my look due to the attention my breast drew. Although I was a lot skinnier back in high school, (and I thought I was fat, how crazy was I) my boobs were still front and center.
As I got older and gained weight, my breast slowly grew with me. However, when I lost weight around 30-40 pounds due to smoking, they did not budge, so I knew my weight was not the issue. I tried not to focus on my breast size, however 2016 was the year I had enough. I was tired of clothes not fitting properly and never finding bras. I would be in tears after hours of bra shopping, only leaving with two “old lady” bras worth $40 each. I also got into working out on regularly basis this year, and dealing with the size and weight of my breasts, plus trying to find good sport bras just added to my list of woes. I felt the strain caused on my neck, shoulders, and back due to my large breasts.
Finally, what really got me serious was a video I watched about a popular beauty Youtuber, Lustrelux, talking about her breast augmentation. Although she had a different procedure done, she discussed being unhappy with her body and deciding she should do something about it. That really inspired me to stop complaining about my issues and do something about my problem. This was July 25th. I remember immediately texting my best friends Rachel and Rose telling them I was going to get serious about this. Their support definitely gave me the extra push I needed. Afterwards in August, my sisters’ husband, Ignacio, connected me to this cousin who had the procedure done. After that, I started doing my research and made it a plan to try and get this done.
I won’t bore you with the rest of my research, but one thing led to another, and now I’m two weeks out from surgery. Since I will be taking a leave from work for recovery and I’m an open book, the question I’ve been getting most is: “Are you scared?” The truth is a little more complicated than just “yes” and “no.”
I’m not scared for the surgery itself. (People get surgery everyday,b) It also helps that a good friend has had this same procedure with the same surgeon. I am a little nervous for the aftermath of dealing with healing and the pain. But mostly, I am still coming to terms on how I will feel afterwards. Having big breasts since I was 13, I sometimes feel like my boobs are this huge chunk of my identity. I think to myself, “will I still be me when this large part of me is no longer large?” But I also know that my breasts do not make me who I am. I know it will definitely be a process getting used to having smaller, lifted breasts. I am also scared that because I am finally getting something that I have wanted for so long, it won’t happen, even though my surgery is scheduled, my time off work is set, and I’ve bought some of my post surgery recovery items. I struggle with believing that is is really happening.
These are my biggest fears, and I’m happy to report that I do not worry about these things all the time. I am part of a breast reduction forum on Reddit, and almost all of the women who post do not regret their decisions. The only thing they regret is waiting as long as they did. I am truly blessed to have the resources to get this procedure done, to have a job that will allow me to take time off to get this done, and for the endless support of my family, boyfriend, and friends. I am nervous, and scared, but mostly, I am excited. I’m ready to take control of my happiness. This is my before. I will report back after 🙂