Poetry Tuesday: On Loving An Imaginary Man

Written July 24th, 2013

 

 

It wasn’t until you left

That I found myself

Suffocating in your essence

Choking on your name

Gasping for air In the smoke

of What was once A flame

One that shone so bright

But burned everything in its Path

That inevitably left me

a refuge

 in its aftermath

It wasn’t until you left

That I found myself

Drowning in you

Trying to find a way out

But nothing would do

Because the tides got so heavy

And the current got so strong

That I was pushed to bottom

Where’d I’d been all along

if  ignorance is a bliss

Than my stupidity must have been a blessing

Never realizing that this whole

Thing was nothing but a

Mess in

My heart

An imaginary part of

Myself that

I kept hidden in the dark

If love if blind

Then I lived in darkness

Surrounding myself with

The man I built up

From a boy

And held on to with a closed

Fist

you see, i thought love was 

to hold

instead of to be held

so i spent many night

in the loneliness of my 

hell

i created, so jaded

thinking that because i felt

this way

that you felt this way

and that left me with

no way out

of this dungeon

in which i captured 

myself

believing that my love

for you was stronger

than the need for 

you to love me

which in turn left me

famished

with nothing to feed on

i started to vanish

becoming engulfed by the

waves of a passion so strong

a passion that i never thought 

was wrong

but i realize now

while I’m suffocating, choking, and gasping

drowning in all of the things

and can’t find the light in

that in loving you

more than wanting you to love me

i caged you too

restrained the creature that

wanted to fly

because i couldn’t fathom the thought

of being alone in the sky

you may have physically left

but the man i love

will forever live with me

because i separated the boy 

you were

with the man i wanted to be

and the man i wanted you to be

was a reflecting of the things

missing within me

so as you leave

he stays

suffocating me with his essence

choking me with his name

because when you build on ashes

its bound to burst in flames

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