Written July 24th, 2013
It wasn’t until you left
That I found myself
Suffocating in your essence
Choking on your name
Gasping for air In the smoke
of What was once A flame
One that shone so bright
But burned everything in its Path
That inevitably left me
a refuge
in its aftermath
It wasn’t until you left
That I found myself
Drowning in you
Trying to find a way out
But nothing would do
Because the tides got so heavy
And the current got so strong
That I was pushed to bottom
Where’d I’d been all along
if ignorance is a bliss
Than my stupidity must have been a blessing
Never realizing that this whole
Thing was nothing but a
Mess in
My heart
An imaginary part of
Myself that
I kept hidden in the dark
If love if blind
Then I lived in darkness
Surrounding myself with
The man I built up
From a boy
And held on to with a closed
Fist
you see, i thought love was
to hold
instead of to be held
so i spent many night
in the loneliness of my
hell
i created, so jaded
thinking that because i felt
this way
that you felt this way
and that left me with
no way out
of this dungeon
in which i captured
myself
believing that my love
for you was stronger
than the need for
you to love me
which in turn left me
famished
with nothing to feed on
i started to vanish
becoming engulfed by the
waves of a passion so strong
a passion that i never thought
was wrong
but i realize now
while I’m suffocating, choking, and gasping
drowning in all of the things
and can’t find the light in
that in loving you
more than wanting you to love me
i caged you too
restrained the creature that
wanted to fly
because i couldn’t fathom the thought
of being alone in the sky
you may have physically left
but the man i love
will forever live with me
because i separated the boy
you were
with the man i wanted to be
and the man i wanted you to be
was a reflecting of the things
missing within me
so as you leave
he stays
suffocating me with his essence
choking me with his name
because when you build on ashes
its bound to burst in flames
