Girl On Girl: Putting Us Down Won’t Bring Us Up

I find myself always surrounded by women. I was raised with my mother, and two sisters My closest friends growing up were often girls. My closest friends now are almost all women. I am in a sorority. My coworkers are ALL women, with the exception of three men. With this being said, you better believe I’m about that “Girl Power.” People always talk and say that women can be catty, bitches, back-stabbers, you name it. I am blessed to say I can count on one hand the bad experiences I’ve had with women. And it is was because they were shitty people who just so happened to have vaginas, not because they have vaginas.

 

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I feel as if now-a-days, I can’t look anywhere without seeing something that promotes that some type of women are better than others. You’ve seen them too. “Don’t be a Kim Kardashian, be an Ayesha Curry.” “Most girls do this, but I do this.”  You get the point. These things boil my blood to no end. This culture of “one type of woman is better than another type of woman” is toxic. It promotes the idea that certain actions make you more desirable than other women. It promotes women to pride themselves on being “different” because they don’t do a certain action, while women who do the action as inferior to them. While there is nothing wrong with different, there is something wrong that you have to bring someone down, to put yourself up. Why can’t I be cool with Mary doing her makeup everyday, while I don’t? Why do I have to put her down for doing something she enjoys, and claim myself “so special” because that is not something I am interested in? Instead of bringing ourselves closer, we look for more ways to set us apart.

ayesha

Why can’t I be both?

Even more than that, there’s so many conflicting ideas of what a women “should” be, that you can’t really be in the right. You wear makeup, suddenly you’re insecure, but if you don’t wear make up, you are sloppy and don’t care about yourself. You have multiple sex partners, you are a whore, you do not respect yourself. You don’t have sex? You are naive or “full of yourself.” You’re single? You’re probably a side “jawn” trying to steal someone’s man. You’re in a relationship? You’re probably getting played. This is just scratching the surface. Imagine all that the media and television does to promote women vs women culture. The media is set to put women against women. Shows like Love and Hip Hip, or The Real Housewives will always magnify and exaggerate the problems women have with each other. They will always make out the issues the women face to seem like they happened because “they’re women, you know how catty they can be.” Female celebrities are always pitted against each other to be “number one.” Everything is always a competition. Headlines will always be worded in a way that will put a woman down before raising her up.

catfight

 

There is no winning here. It angers me that while men say these things, women have joined them as well. To me, that is just a slap in the face. Like, “damn you too? I thought we were fighting this together!” I feel that when it comes to women, and men, and basically humans, if it does not harm anyone, why the fuck do you care? This generation is so caught up in policing what everyone else does, taking them down because they are too afraid of something that is different, or unknown. We have gotten so caught up in being “different,” that we think that means we have to tear down the things we differ from. When women tear women down I can’t help but wonder why. Does it make you feel better? Do you think you will look better to others?

When I think about issues like this, I always resort to thinking about one type of woman. I’m pretty sure we have all been this woman. The drunk girl in the bathroom, telling you how pretty you are. You know who I’m talking about. You take a break while clubbing or at the bar to step away from the bathroom. Either in line or at the mirror, there is always that one drunk girl. She is probably not wasted, but she is definitely feeling a buzz.  She will always compliment you in some way. “You’re so pretty/ I love your makeup/ That outfit is so cute.” You know that girl is drunk, but it is the most sincere compliment you’ve been given all night. Why? Because she does not know you. She just felt to tell you something nice. I can always remember the drunk girls I’ve met in bathrooms, because they have always been the nicest. I think we should all strive to be that drunk girl in the bathroom, but everyday! ( Being sober while doing it is optional.) We should look to treat woman like sisters as opposed to enemies. That drunk girl in the bathroom did not owe you a thing, but still wanted to lift you up anyway, and that makes a world of a difference.

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