Turning 23: Fighting Anxiety With A Party

It’s no secret that I’m still figuring my life out. (Please refer to any of my previous post if you have no idea.) And while I’ve come to terms with the fact that it is “okay” to not have my crap together, turning a year older does something to me that throws that all out the window. The weeks leading up to my birthday, I was surely going through a crisis. My “midway to midlife crisis.” Now, you might be thinking, “midway to midlife crisis? What the-?” but hear me out. My friends told me I was too young to have a midlife crisis, so I figured 23 is almost 25, and that is mid way to midlife (if I plan on reaching 100!)

My birthday is in the first week of February, and we all know after the “hustle-bustle” of the holidays, January flies by. My loving family and friends took this time to ask my how I felt about my upcoming birthday. I have to take this time to apologize to those people because every question was met with an “Uhhhhh, I don’t know,” or “Ehhhh *sips water* ehhh.. Oh look over there! *runs away*”

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Me, when asked about my birthday

Turning another year older just brings so many questions about things I never worry about. Besides the soul-crushing worry that I will never know what I want to do and figure my life out, my brain decides to question everything, even things I do not want at this time. “No ring? Why aren’t you married yet? No baby? I’m turning 23 and I still haven’t financed a new car! When am I moving out?” This is just scratching the surface. I cannot explain why my brain does this, it just does. Every year! All I wanted to do was sleep until my birthday passed so my brain would relax, and let me live. However, being the adult person I pretend to be, I couldn’t just do this. So I threw myself a party instead! And not just any party, but a Mario Party!

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This was the invitation I sent out to all my friends

 

The last time I threw a birthday party was for my 18th birthday. I usually like being low-key for my birthday since I have a tendency to have bad luck with stuff. But nonetheless, I invited all my closest friends, especially those I do not see as often as I’d like. My parents cooked a big feast, I had a little photo booth section and a selfie stick, we all drank, played Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros, and it was a great time! There was so much love for me in that room, with every single person that came in through my door. No one asked me any questions, except for what was going to be my next drink!

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My amazing friends!

As much anxiety as my brain wanted to have, my birthday came and went and it was a great time! My friend Rachel sent me this quote that has really put things into perspective for me. “At 23, JK Rowling was broke. Tina Fey was working at the Y.M.C.A. Oprah had just gotten fired from her first job as a TV reporter and Walt Disney had declared bankruptcy.” (Read This If You’re 23 And Lost by Heidi Priebe) I have no idea what 23 will hold for me (except for the fact that no one will like me.) But after Friday, I’m no longer worried. I know how lucky I am to be alive and surrounded by so many amazing people. As long as I keep working hard, I’ll figure it all out. This is just my beginning.

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